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| (2012 vs 2015) |
From February 1st to 7th this year, it is eating disorder awareness week. If you have followed me for awhile, or know me in person, you are aware that I have an eating disorder. I say "have" because It has never left, I have only found ways of keeping it at bay. I have great days, weeks and months. Somedays, I even forget that it's lurking in the black abyss that is my subconscious. But days like today... weeks like this week, remind me that every coping mechanism I learned in rehab was for a reason.
Im writing this because eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes. I look healthy, but I still have unhealthy thoughts.
In the past 3 years, I have gone from crying in groceries stores over crackers that have too much salt (and also thinking that something bad will happen to me if I buy them) to full on enjoying a full english roast with sticky toffee pudding with my boyfriend (and feeling damn sexy even if I'm bloated afterwards)
It's a huge feat- one that a lot of girls struggle with daily. I was lucky enough to have a great support system that consisted of friends, family and therapists. But I realize I am lucky. I know many people struggle to tell other, they struggle to find help or admit that there is even a problem. I was on that side once, and you feel like you're literally in hell, burning up from the inside out.
When I'm having a particularly bad day, I always remind myself of what I have. I distract myself with a show, a movie, a friend, a book, and I stay away from social media. There are plenty of body positive movements happening on SM at the moment, but there are also pictures that are detrimental to me, even if the person on the other end doesn't realize it. And in no means is it their fault. The girls on instagram who have the tiny waists, hourglass figure with great boobs and ass, contoured and highlighted to the high heavens, dressed in what I wish I could be dressed in- I say all the power to you!!- but I also have to unfollow you because I'm in a negative space in my head and if I see more pictures like you, I might have mental breakdown as to why I can't have your body, looks, hair, and life. And then there are other days where I lurk the fuck out of these girls and admire them but it doesn't affect my state of mind.
This is just a quick post about E.D. week. I could go on but I just wanted to bring awareness to such a hellish disease, but I really hope that you are aware of it all year long.
If you have any questions or need help please don't hesitate to contact the number below OR even email me at ssilkenskin@gmail.com
Links:
1-800-931-2237
